took the words right out of my mouth...

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.”

-Veronica A. Shoffstall

...I might write about this later when I'm not so freaking tired.

Cigarette Break #2

With a flip of a switch, you’re set on fire

All day I’ve had this one desire.

Although I know you will slowly take my breath away

Until my very last day;

I can’t give you up like so many have before.

Every single time, is the same as the first.

It’s a sweet addiction and I swear I am cursed

Or jaded and broken; you fill the void.

Of I’m not sure what, I’m so annoyed.

After every deep breath I still want more.

I want nothing more than to step on your soul,

But I am the one who will pay the toll.

My life, my pocket, you will suck me dry

And if you are in my hand, I know I will die.

You have no regrets; you’re just a cold-hearted whore.

In my mind, I think I can make this work.

With or without you, my heart will torque

In your direction or away.

I can only hope this longing will fade.

I won’t believe you have infected my core.

My friends will say you don’t deserve a single brush of my lips,

But I know it’s a matter of time before I slip.

The moments I miss you are filled with ups and downs

And at the end of the day I go round and round

Until its just you and me sitting on the floor.

I promise I won’t forget the effect you have on me

All the good and the bad is not hard to see.

But a final good bye will make it complete

Until tomorrow when your back at my feet.

I can’t give you up like so many before.

When should I wear heels?

Heels make me feel like I can do anything.

I'm not sure what those "things" are,

or if I should really be doing them.

But at the end of the night

when I peel off those slightly higher heeled shoes,

I feel like I just had the best night of my life.

I crawl into bed and curl up my toes,

and although its 4:39am

and I'm tired as hell...

I can go to bed knowing that,

I made time to kill time.

And that this night was...

so fucking worth the heels.

Cigarette Break #1

First day of class at Florida State University, but this isn't my first rodeo. Of course not. This is my fifth year of higher education and the third campus under my belt. No need to come early to worry about parking for an 8 am class at a school with about 40,000 students. Nah...

After driving around looking for a place to park for 30min cursing the world, crying- purely for the lack of having a cigarette, calling my sister to tell her what an idiot I am, and calling my mom for some comfort... I came to the conclusion that I will most definitely NOT be the only one late on the first day of class.

I parked in the farthest parking garage from my class and trekked the 20 min walk like pilgrim on the Oregon Trail. Sweaty, uncomfortable, and knowing that at some point there will be an end to the journey. In my case, air conditioning... in the pilgrims- gold (I think?) Regardless, I walked into class 30min late.

No one came in after me...

except one girl who had casts on both her wrists. Unbelievable.